3 Years to Find, but 7 Years to Love Myself

A personal topic? Yes. Can people benefit from my story? Yes. As I’m beginning this article, I’m asking myself why I’m sharing such personal information. The reason is simply that people can learn a lot from the triumphs and tragedies of others. In my sharing, although personal, someone else can be inspired in some way, and that adds value to my life.

Why three years to find and seven years to love? It’s difficult to summarize in a one page article. The knowledge of self is such a vital lesson to teach children and youth. Most children at around the age of 2 begin to display the “mine” tendencies, where everything and everyone “belongs” to them. However, for a lot of young girls and boys, there comes a time where they begin to seek validation outside themselves and put their “self worth” in the eyes of others’ approval. A child naturally wants to please their parents, and this may later translate into wanting someone to care about you so much that you will do what you can to please them. If left unchallenged, this can continue into adulthood, which is what happened to me.

Until my early 20’s, I was my parent’s child. That is what my job was. My reason for existence was to please my parents, so I at least thought. For a very long time, I did not know myself (my likes, dislikes, my ticks, my tocks, what moved me, what motivated me, what inspired me, and why…. Oh, I never had a reason why….when asked “why,” my response was either “I don’t know” or “because…”). I was already an adult before I claimed my mind and my thinking capacities as my own. My thoughts and feelings were suppressed for such a long time, that I didn’t realize I had ownership or control over them myself. I let others own and control my mind.

Once I realized this, it took three years to rediscover and begin to actualize myself. I went through a deep self-actualization process that didn’t include goals and such yet. The goal-setting came later. At this time, I simply paid attention to “me,” each aspect that contributed to my existence: my body, my spirit and my mind, what I fed those three things and what I believed on a level that was tangible and I was reaching. However, there were layers of self-doubt and self-worth still tied up in others that it took the next seven years to recognize.

Once I started learning more about Universal Law governing principles, I began to realize how much I was contributing to what I was experiencing and feeling on a day to day basis, including my relationships with others. When it came to friendships, partnerships, professional relationships, family and such, I did pretty good in maintaining self-love. However, when it came to a significant other, I began to love them more than I loved myself, and in turn, when I wanted a change or to shift to something that felt better, I would be labeled as “selfish.” Isn’t that quite the oxymoron?

I operated out of fear more so than love in all of my intimate love relationships. It’s a painful pill to swallow, but it has evidenced itself in my life more times that I care to admit. If I said something, did something, didn’t do something, or didn’t say something, I was always fearful of what the other would think, feel, say or do. I didn’t operate in this fashion all of the time, but when the relationship seemed threatened because I wanted more for myself, then the fear-filled decisions would occur. Usually meaning I would stick around longer to please them more so than listening to myself.

Here’s what I learned as a result:

• Your health, welfare, sanity and peace of mind are most important.
• You can love from a distance.
• You receive a direct reflection of how much you value yourself and how you treat yourself.
• Your strongest weaknesses act as powerful attractors.
• What you think and feel you deserve, you will attract into your life (whether it feels good or not… where the energy is most powerful).
• Fear is also an attractor.
• Since fear and love both strongly activate the Law of Attraction, choosing love more often than fear in any scenario will make for a more pleasant and pleasurable life and relationships.

These are the most important lessons I have extracted from this scenario. Now, that I’m choosing love more often, life’s windows and doors just keep opening, and joy abounds.

To participate and benefit from a free self-actualization quiz, visit http://www.LessonsofEmpowerment.com

Tina Su, on Thinksimplenow.com has written a great article called The Secret to Self Loving.

January 8th, 2008