A Bamboo Plant Provided Insight on Suffering in a Relationship…

This particular article is very personal, yet it’s quite informative in that it has to do with how energy, nature and an individual’s vibrations work hand in hand to give one resources, information and clues as to how their life is being created.

I’m going to use the example of a bamboo plant that I have been caring for over the last seven years as the primary subject or point of reference for this article.

Due to a move from one location to another, I was asked to watch and help grow a bamboo plant that belonged to a dear “friend.” The initial idea was to put it in a bigger pot in rocks and water (similar to what it was in before), and attempt to encourage the leaves to grow larger now that the roots had more room to grow.

Surprisingly to me, the plant started to show signs of disease. I enlisted the help of a horticulturalist to help figure out what was wrong and attempt to save the plant that had seemed to go into some sort of shock from being moved.

After much care for the selection of the pot, root trimming and usage of potting soil, the plant was saved and now in a position to grow large and strong as intended.

I must add here that this plant belonged to my “significant other” at the time (although our relationship wasn’t titled as such). This plant actually quite literally paralleled the dynamics in our relationship.

Well, the plant did well for a year or so in it’s new pot, but it slowly began to show signs of dis-ease again. The leaves would grow large to a point and then they would stop, the ends would dry out, and several leaves would be lost at a quicker rate than how they were growing. Yet, still I tried to do whatever I could to save this plant.

It then went through another change of pots and trimming, much to the same scenario, except this time, actual stalks started to dry out. The plant was being sucked of it’s very essence. No matter how much love, light, water, attention and care I gave to this plant, it was holding on to its very last, for something was missing, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

I thought it was a little crowded, so I moved it to another room with adequate light and space… put it in a totally different location than where it had been previously thinking it needed “space” and room to breath. It was in the company of other bamboo plants that were thriving. I thought they could share some energy and help to feed the one plant that was struggling so much.

This interesting bamboo continued to struggle to grow and stay alive. It appeared as if the plant was actually suffocating and dying….as if it couldn’t possibly hold on to its last current phase of evolution before completely withering away.

I made one final attempt to save the plant by completely severing the live stalks away from the primary ones and putting the blunt ends into water. I hoped that the freshly cut stalks would shoot out roots and although “handicapped” have a chance at life even if it was in a smaller and more reserved form.

I monitored the plant daily for a period of exactly three weeks. During this time, I flowed feelings of love and life to the plant as much as I could, wanting the plant to live so desperately. The thought of the plant actually dying and no longer occupying a place in my home felt a little frightening.

This is when I began to notice the parallel with the life of the plant and the life of my relationship with my “friend.”

Here they are:

• The plant had to move away from home (my significant moved away from “home”…)
• I was now the primary caretaker of the plant (I felt like the primary “nurturer” in the relationship)
• The expectation of the plant since moving to a bigger pot was to grow larger leaves (the expectation of the relationship was to grow stronger since the opportunity for other areas of growth were being pursued elsewhere…)
• The plant began to show signs of dis-ease after only a little while in its new pot (our relationship started to show signs of strain after only a short while of the change…)
• With the help of an expert, I was able to find out what was wrong with the plant, make some radical changes and create a new and safer environment for the plant to do well. (With the help of friends and family, I was able to develop an area of strength I didn’t realize I possessed and maintain my capacity in the relationship)
• Even with the change, over time despite all of the careful tending I was giving the plant, it still had problems that threatened it’s health and life overall (Despite my continual efforts to be everything I possibly thought I could in this relationship, deep down inside, there was something I hadn’t discovered yet that was killing it, and if I didn’t find out soon, everything would be over…)
• I tried re-potting the plant, trimming back the roots, and placing it in another space with adequate light and around other thriving bamboo plants (I tried changing my capacity in the relationship and surrounding myself with positive influences; couples whom I held in high regard. I did my best to stop giving negative energy and attention to what was wrong and focus more so on what was right in the relationship. I asked for “space”)
• Even with space, the plant was still suffering at a faster rate than before. During times of visitation, my “friend” noticed how poorly the plant was doing and declared it “dead.” I responded with, “Stop! It’s not dead…there’s still life there even though it’s struggling. It can be saved.” (Even with “space” in our relationship, we still had deep problems, and they were primarily with me even though I hadn’t wanted to accept that just yet. I knew there was life still in our relationship although it was strained, hurt and suffering. I wanted to believe that our relationship could be saved if only I could do everything possible on my end even though it was at a hefty expense.)
• The last resort to saving the plant was to “cut it off” from everything else…. discard of the dis-eased parts, and return to simply water, no soil, no special pot… just a little ceramic vase… hoping with all my might to encourage new sprouts to grow and provide continued life to this plant. (I felt I had no choice any longer in the relationship except to cut off what I knew and to try something radically different. I had to change my capacity and “cut myself off” from this person. I had to sever the relationship away from the old and prayerfully the “water” of love would be enough to save its life… my desire was to have new life spring forth like the shoots in the relationship even if it was in a totally different space than before…. even if it just meant only friendship… something smaller, something less grandiose than this enormous life together that I had envisioned.)
• After what seemed like two arduous months of hoping the plant would sprout, in three weeks, the bamboo shot new roots, and I knew life was still possible, but it would definitely be different. There wasn’t going to be any more moving of this plant… no more special pots, or soil allowed. It would stay in it’s new little container and be surrounded by just water where it was sure to continue living. (After about two months of disconnect from my significant other, we tried our hand at the capacity of just friendship. I had let go of the idea of us being “together” and could only now see “my friend” in front of me. As much as I had desired us to be more, the environment, choices and circumstances didn’t foster continual and healthy growth for that relationship.)

Today, the plant is still in it’s little pot doing very well. There are still some scars from the past on leaves that haven’t been removed yet. Those areas will not grow back. There will always be some history of this plant left in its DNA. The same is true for my relationship. Although we haven’t been in much contact and have decided to go our separate ways, I know that deep down inside, despite the scars and the hurt, the roots of friendship still remain. It will just be a matter of time before the “love” that sustained the relationship before gets recognized in a different form.

If he’s reading this…. I bid you peace. Love always.

September 8th, 2008